So, I recently came across the
Dunning-Kruger effect which lately seems to have particular relevance to my life. In a nutshell, it deals with how people of different skill levels perceive themselves. That is to say, people who are imbeciles might not be aware of their own imbecility. On the other side of the spectrum are the folks who actually are proficient, but for whatever reason (esteem, etc), think of themselves as being as not being good enough.
The tie in for me then, is the software craftsmanship movement. It has become of high interest and I'm intrigued by the concepts and the ideas behind it all. I want to become better instead of just stagnating. There is a whole community out there with all sorts of neat things happening. Who wants to sit and watch his or her life go by when they can be a part of something awesome? And yet, I often don't feel as if I'm good enough to be a part of it. That is, good enough to pursue those jobs, those teams, and those people. This seems to place me closer to the latter category from above.
This furthermore reminds me of a quote I once heard. After accused of being a showoff, the response was the following, "Is a bird bragging when it flies?" I think it might be from one of the Superman movies. In any case, the point is that is okay to be smart, talk smart, and so forth. We just seem to have that stigma against it in this country. And that, I'm sure, is part of the reason why many may find themselves feeling inferior.
What am I doing about this? I've been at my current position for closing in on 3 years. While it hasn't been terrible, it just feels like it's time to move on. I don't foresee much growth in the future. So, now I'm starting to see what else is out there. I'm inquiring, exploring, and probing opportunities. I've been talking to other people and considering what might be within the organization.
The other thing I've done is consciously try to drop the ego. I noticed that was chiding another developer (whom is probably better than me) when he would make mistakes. I'd fallen into that old trap of: "When people criticize others, it's often their own flaws they are criticizing." I thought I was just giving him a hard time, but there was more to it. I felt bad enough to bring it up and have been trying to be more positive. The other downside is that it made me less willing to ask for help or clarification, lest I seem weak. I'd created my own demise. By dropping the ego and need for approval, we can get so much more out of each other. That said, all other jokes (baldness, your mom, etc) are still fair game.
So, I'm curious as to who else out there might feel as if they are in the same boat. Do you ever feel stuck in some middle ground - in limbo somewhere? Have you found yourself critical of others when in reality it's a way to bolster yourself?
I do know I'm smart, but am I smart enough?
